WHO ARE YOU?

Let's start with the correct anger as stated in Eph. 5:4:25-26:

"Be angry, and yet do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and do not give the devil an opportunity."

This definitely says to "be angry." There are things we should be angry about. This particular verse come right after the verses that state we are in a process of renewing our mind as it says in Romans 1. We are to put on the new self and throw out the old self. The next verse adds we are to speak Truths to each other, not lies. The verses after points to not allowing stealing and things are listed which grieve the Holy Spirit. So, we are new "in Christ," and there are definitely things that are wrong. When, we are angry, we are not suppose to sin, or this would allow the devil a opportunity in get into our lives. So, if one gets angry we don't let it fester. Get rid of it. We can address it, but it must not be allowed to stay. Jesus did get mad and overturn the market tables in the temple, and we know Jesus did not sin.

This is really not the anger we are talking about here.

The anger here is the sinful one that is harming to a relationship. The person with the anger needs to ask themselves if they can control it or not. If they admit they cannot, then one needs to go to their medical doctor for some advice. If one says they can control it, then a boundary needs to be placed in the relationship by the other person, to help initiate a change. The boundary could include the doctor visit. Like:

"When you get angry, you are very hurtful to my feelings,

so the next time you have an uncontrollable anger outburst you are going to the doctor."

Sometimes, the reason we are short or jump straight to upset, is that our emotions are sunburnt. Let me try to explain this. Let's take a scale from 1 to 10.

1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6 - 7 - 8 - 9 - 10

Now, try to imagine sitting in a room and I bring in a rattlesnake. I put it down in front of you. Where are you at on the scale? Probably, a 10. Then, I take the snake back out. You start calming down, 7, 6, 5, but before you can calm all the way down I bring the rattle snake back in. Where you at? Up to 10 again, but it didn't take you as long to get there. I take it back out, you start calming down, 9, 8, 7, but before you can recover fully I bring that thing back out. Your at 10 again, even quicker. You see, some people are operating on or close to level 10 all the time. Of course, this is not good. Your emotions are sunburnt and you haven't recovered. When someone says the littlest thing you jump to 10 because it's like touching your sunburnt shoulders. It hurts. So, we need to try to work on getting you back to operating in the 3 - 4 area. It's like a mind game, and it is going to take practice.

So, if you are going to work on it , I'm going to give a few things that will be helpful to everyone. Remember, Philippians 4 tells us "to think" on good things. Therefore, we can control our thoughts. It does take practice. BUT we do need to choose what we fix our minds upon. Dwell on Godly things and refuse to have bad thinking.

First, when something happens and you feel your blood start to boil, take a time out and think:

Is this going to matter in an hour?

(if yes, continue)

Is this going to matter tomorrow?

(if yes, continue)

Is this going to matter next week?

...next month?

...next year?

...in five years?

Second, try to use the "Password" activity found in Granny's Pantry.

Another activity would be find you a door jam, press the back of your hands and forearms against the door jam for 30 seconds. Release. Feel your arms trying to come up. Actually, feels like troubles lifting off your shoulders. This really just releases some of those endorphins that are building up causing anxiety feelings.

You can also be sitting, and tighten your thigh and leg muscles, holding 15 seconds and releasing. Helps get rid of that bent up tension and nobody has to know your doing this one.

Remember also, we can only change that which we admit is wrong. So, memorize this Scripture:

"This you know, my beloved brethren.

But everyone must be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger;

For the anger of man does not achieve the righteousness of God."

James 1: 19-20

In verse 18, Scripture tells us it's God Will that we are regenerated by the Gospel. Then knowing this, He encourages us to be listening, slow to speak and get angry, because anger is not after what is right.

So, self-control in this area is a must.

When counseling individuals or couples, I usually explain my background along with my credentials, and then simply ask how may I help them. A common response is "I just want to be happy." Then, we have to talk about the self-centered happiness which is unquenchable. This avenue is certainly not how God designed us. So, let's discuss how God defines happy or blessed. Scripture in Matthew 5 is a great starting point because it is so straight forward with actions which bring blessings. Now, this is not a teaching on salvation, but a teaching to those "in Christ" (or those wanting to kingdom walk / or those wanting to walk righteously). It is Scripture which teaches the new identity. These are actions or characteristics of the "new creation in Christ Jesus" (2 Cor 5:17). We no longer walk as the Pharisees, who think they are righteous, but humbly and obediently seek His way which will be blessed. You see the Pharisees walked around proudly and showing off externally, but Scripture teaches it is not that it is to be an internal change. A new heart! The righteousness taught here is the righteousness of one who is under the reign of God (Rom 6:11-18) and is seeking His divine direction. Another understanding is needed to fully comprehend these instructions which are applicable today. Notice the phrase in v. 5 "for theirs is the kingdom of heaven." This is a being verb which implies a present day understanding to kingdom living. Now, there are verses like 4-9 which carry a "will be" concept which implies the blessings are experienced but fully experienced when the kingdom is established on Earth. Like in Hebrews when Scripture states we can experience first fruits now, but not fully experience. I have read one comparing this to a full course meal, we definitely can experience the appetizers now.

So, let's see who is happy and blessed here:

v. 5 Happy are those who are poor and includes those oppressed.

[These are definitely in need of God's help. If you have ever been at a point when you know it will only change with God's help, you can come to the understanding here. This is when you grow your God. You are on a spiritual growing path seeking His help and a promise of experiencing kingdom walking is given here. Happy are these for they are experiencing the peace which only comes through Him. One understands God Reigns. He has a plan for each of us, just follow Him (righteousness). There is a understanding one comes to grasp which is:

Sometimes God calms the storm,

but sometimes God lets the storm rage

and calms His child.

We are children of a loving, all powerful God. Who loves us and works everything out for our benefit.]

v. 4 Blessed are those who mourn, for a promise of comfort follows.

[ One who allows God to reign grows to the understanding that trials are the opportunities for God to show His love in our lives which gives us the opportunity to share His love with other brothers and sisters who experience the same or different trials (2 Cor 1:4). The inner heart is blessed when we help others to be all they need to be "in Christ."]

v. 5 Happy are those who are meek, for they will inherit the earth.

[Well, we have already experienced our inheritance "in Christ" as a child of God. Those who are meek have a great understanding of who is really in charge. They are not stepping on others to achieve some self-centered happiness. One recognizes that it is level ground at Jesus' feet. One is not better than the other. One does not have more of Jesus than the other. One can allow Jesus to reign in all areas of one's life though and recognize Jesus gives mercy to us. Mercy meaning not something we deserve but that which we don't deserve. Therefore, following Christ involves giving mercy as a His follower. Again, Happy are those living "in Christ." ]

Then,

v. 6 Blessed/happy are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, they will be filled.

[One of my professors loved to put this verse on his emails. I loved that encouragement. Ultimately, if one is seeking righteousness you are seeking God. This is answered in the gift of being "in Christ" or of Kingdom Living. So, Happy are those living "in Christ."]

How about:

v. 8 Happy are those pure in heart!

[This is not an outward appearance based on a judgmental attitude of knowing the law. This describes the change to a new heart. That of new attitudes and new motives. This is one who is under God's reign, living as Christ would live (Gal 2:20). One who is a true friend with pure motives giving advice based on what is best for the other. Motives based on helping another be all they can be "in Christ," and not for personal gain. "For they will see God," which will be fully experienced when the Kingdom is established, but can be seen in recognizing the hope which Paul prays for one who is a saint to come to understand. In Eph 1:18-20, Paul prays for one to understand "the Hope of one's calling, and what the riches of glory of one's inheritance in the saints AND what is the exceeding greatness of his power to us-ward who believe to the working of his mighty power which he wrought "in Christ." So again, Happy are those living "in Christ."

v. 9 refers to those who are peacemakers are happy.

[Peacemakers are concerned with working with God. Not tit for tat. And even if:

v. 10 "One is persecuted for the sake of righteousness"

stay focused on who reigns. Then, one is blessed. It is very hard not to get side swiped with insults or as Scripture calls them "evil" intentions, but blessings come to those who stay on the course of righteousness. One has to grow God and fully understand He reigns and He blesses and provides a way for those who are His. His plan is so much more than we can even imagine. Our minds are finite and have all kinds of limits to our understanding. God understanding is infinite. Totally, higher than ours. So, much higher that we cannot even grasp it (Is 55:9). Stay the course! Seek Him. Again, remembering living "in Christ" is blessed.]

Now, let's go to John and get an example from Christ.

Jesus and his disciples were gathered for the evening meal in John 13:2. Verse 3 refers to Jesus knowing His Father's things, along with knowing His hour to come and loving his own, was preparing them for the difficult times ahead. Jesus gets up and gathers a towel and girds himself up like a servant. Then, gets a basin of water and starts washing feet. The disciples, especially Peter is mentioned in v. 8, doesn't understand and really doesn't want Jesus to wash their feet. This was considered a lowly job. So low that non-Jewish slaves did this. A Hebrew slave didn't was his own master's feet, because it was considered to be inferior. In verse 14, Jesus even refers to them calling him teacher. This brings up some customs of their time where a teacher's pupils or disciples did a lot of things for their teacher, but they did not wash the teacher's feet! However, Jesus said they even called him Lord. Well, Jesus says even He as their Lord and Teacher washed their feet, they "ought to"* do this for one another. So, Jesus as our Lord, lowered himself as a servant to do one of the most inferior jobs for another and we, as His followers are to do the same with the understanding that one is not above His Lord.

Now, check out verse 17.

"If you know these things, happy are ye if you do them."

Woohoo! Here's how to be happy!

So, I can easily say if one is not happy, one is clearly not living "in Christ." Different ones tell me from time to time that they just don't feel like they are saved. Now, for those who know you know I hold up my hand and tell them to talk to the hand. I don't listen to this feel thing. If you follow feelings you are not following TRUTH. (Luke 21:19)

"By your endurance you will gain your lives."

Look this is psychology 101: Emotions will follow actions.

One does not follow feelings, one follows the Truth. Then, "Enduring persecution will prove the reality of their salvation." (Ryrie) What does that mean? By seeking righteousness and following His Word, one feelings get in line. If not, one needs to seek their Pastor's guidance to help one find out what is placing doubts in their life. Hebrews 12:1 tells us "to lay aside every weight, and the sin which doth so easily beset us and let us run with patience the race that is set before us". We need to get rid of doubts that leave us on shaky ground and allows the devil a foothold in our lives. We are to get rid of anything that holds us back from running the race set before us boldly. (John 16:33) Jesus wins in the end. Remembering also the blessing Jesus promised to those who are unlike doubting Thomas who had to see with his own eyes first. Jesus said, "BLESSED are they that have not seen, and yet have believed." (John 20:29) "Be not faithless, but believing." (v. 27)

Want to be happy = BELIEVE

The first half of Romans explains to us what Christ has done for us. Then, starting in chapter 12, Paul tells us how to live as followers of Him. That is, presenting ourselves as living sacrifices (Rom. 12:1; Eph 5:1-2) which is what we ought to do. Then, uses being verbs to suggest be this and be that. We are to transform our minds which is like beating our head against the wall in order to beat Truths in it (Rom 6:11=reckon). Not saying that it is going to always be easy, but it is rewarding. "For the kingdom of God is not meat and drink; but righteousness, and peace, and joy in the Holy Ghost." (Rom 14:17) We have JOY in allowing the Holy Spirit to rule. We are to stop judging and criticizing. We are to EDIFY one another. Not being self-centered. "For even Christ pleased not himself" (v. 15:3) and He is our LORD. Pleasing oneself does not lead to true happiness.

So, let's

"Examine yourselves, whether ye be in the faith; prove your own selves. Know ye not your ownselves, how that Jesus Christ is in you, except ye be reprobates?"

Test yourself to see if Christ lives in you. Is there perseverance or endurance which is a mark of genuine faith?

Remember if one fails the faith test indicates one's original decision of faith may not have been based on a genuine relationship with Christ.

Christian = Jesus is Lord.

Paul reminds us (Gal 5:25) that "If we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit."

So, if one wants to be happy, let us remember Jesus' love (John 15:9) and live in it ("in Christ). How does one live "in Christ?"

"If ye keep my commandments, ye shall abide in my love; even as I have kept my Father's commandments, and abide in His love. These things have I spoken unto you, that my joy might remain in you, and that your joy might be full."

May your joy be full!

* "Ought to" is a phrase which Paul uses in his writings referring to things one ought to do because of the knowledge one has of the Gospel Message. Knowing what Christ has done for us gives one an obligation to tell others. Paul actually calls himself a "debtor" (Rom 1:14-15) ready or eager to preach the Gospel. It's just something a child of God ought to do. By these verses in my Bible, I have noted, "TO KNOW IS TO OWE." Let's continue with this thought to having the Blessings from God: TO HAVE IS TO OWE. Paul actually starts chapter 1 in Romans with the identity of his being "a servant of Jesus Christ." He continues with the Truth of what Christ has done for us who are "called to be saints." Then, says that "God is my witness, whom I serve." Many have heard the saying "SAVED TO SERVE." Paul in Romans 12 calls it our reasonable service. Paul definitely had this "ought to" attitude within his heart.

So many blessings come from just doing what is right.

Blessed Happiness is promised to those who serve one another in the family of God.

Want to be HAPPY just follow Him.

A great study in Scripture would be simply looking for Scripture with "Blessed is …" or looking for the promises to living "in Christ." Take Ephesians and highlight "in Christ" and read the promises with living and being "in Christ". Or take Colossians highlight "in Christ" and the things associated with how to walk worthy of one's calling (Col 1:10).

THEY ARE NOT TO DEFINE US. HE SAYS WE ARE TO BE JOYFUL DURING THE TRIAL.

"Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials,

knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance.

And let endurance have its perfect result,

so that you may be perfect and complete,

lacking in nothing."

James 1:2-4

Notice, Scripture tells us that trials are coming. James doesn't suggest if they come, but when they come. However, we are not to get into survivor mode or think it is God's retribution like Job's friends but we are to count it a joyful event knowing it will result in endurance which will lead to maturity. The "may be perfect" state is referring to the sanctification process. Remember we are sanctified and we are also in sanctification. It is a position and a process. So, when Christians (my brethren) go through trials we can know that they are for our growth! Through trials we are to become more like Him. Now, one can also see the connection with counting it joy and knowing it is a testing is tied with the maturing also. I believe one really cannot get to the joy without understanding and knowing God has a plan for the trial and if we persevere we receive the reward of the "crown of life" (v. 12). If we continue to read the next two verses we understand that it is to prove our character and not give into those fleshly living patterns. So, we are back to that struggle between the new man and the old fleshly man.

Let's take another angle: In Ps 39:4, David's prayer is "LORD, make me to know mine end, and the measure of my days, what it is; that I may know how frail I am." Not only is David wanting the Lord to help him realize how quickly time flies by but also his own limits. Sometimes there is a need for brokenness. I can understand this because my husband and I are production oriented and very self-sustaining. Satan uses this to make us believe that we can just use our fleshly living patterns to handle anything that comes our way. Then, we are back to the old man using fleshly patterns to get our God-given needs met. So often our flesh has been so productive that we actually need God to allow suffering to realize we cannot handle the situation without Him.

God wants us to come to the realization of "my hope is in Thee" (Ps 39:7). Therefore, what God allows is for our growth. Let's have that 50/20 vision as stated in Gen. 50:20 which is Joseph telling his brothers what they meant for evil, "God meant it unto good."

An example of this would be like a couple coming to me with a business plan. I looked at it, might even have my husband who is a CPA look at it, and we see that it is not adding up to a successful plan for a business. Now, if I share this with them and they tell me they have prayed about it and they feel this is what God is leading them to do, I do not discourage them anymore. Instead I pray for God's hand in it. For, it could be God is going to use this as a trial to grow them, even if it's growth through a failing business. However, God could be going to use this for a God thing. Meaning, God works in mysterious ways. He uses the weak in order to demonstrate His power. Either way it is for His glory. I just need to get out of the way. We have to get to the KNOWLEDGE of trusting him:

"Blessed is that man that maketh the LORD his trust,

and respecteth not the proud, nor such as turn aside to lies." Ps 40:4

First, and foremost we have to understand if God allows it He will see it through with us. This was pretty hard to grasp when the doctor told me I had cancer and with surgery and chemo I had a 5% chance of living 5 years. I can remember being pretty side-swiped. Even after hearing the first words out of my husband's mouth when he reached me, which were "Our God is bigger than this!" It took me picking up a children's book I had in the back seat of the car to remind me of another Truth to get me back to standing on the rock. When I opened the little book the words "I sure could use some good news" were staring back at me. Well, I sure could use that. The good news was that we didn't need to teach God anything. He knows everything! Yes! I just heard I had cancer, but God already knew. And if God already knew, then He had a plan already in place and all I had to do was walk it. It's been seventeen years. God did have a plan. And the love and grace He showed me, I share with others who are going through life's trials.

"Blessed be God, even the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ,

the Father of mercies, and the God of all comfort;

Who comforteth us in all our tribulation,

that we may be able to comfort them which are in any trouble,

by the comfort wherewith we ourselves are comforted of God."

2 Cor 1:3-4

So, if you have a trial facing you. Hold on! God has a plan. And His plan includes seeing you through so that you will be able to help someone else in any trial to have hope. The hope of our true calling which is to be a child of God (Eph 1:18). He has plans for this old trial. In Ephesians 5:20, the Scripture tells us to have a certain attitude. An attitude of thanksgiving. Being thankful always for everything. It was hard to be thankful for the trial of cancer. Looking back now, I can be. There was so many things I learned which I could only have learned through cancer.

So, it is a good thing to draw near to God and put one's trust in Him (Ps 73:28). Sometimes, we have to KNOW we are not in control, but He is. Even though our old flesh is weak and faileth (Ps 73:26), God is our strength. Therefore, we seek Him. A good friend of mine, Karen, loves to say, "Just do what's right." That's simple, but true. Isaiah tells us even if you cannot see the path, step where it is right. This shows we are trusting in Him and His righteousness. Those that love Him follow Him. John 14 is loaded with references of loving Him and following His commandments. Then,

"Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you:

not as the world giveth, give I unto you.

Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid."

Grow your God.

I don't know the answers, but He does.

Trust Him. Follow Him.

Isaiah (55:9) reminds us that we cannot understand all with our finite minds, and God's ways are so much higher than ours that we cannot possibly comprehend them.

There were a couple of ladies having a conflict in Philippians 4, which Paul calls out then reminds them to focus on being of the same mind "in Christ." We are all fellow workers of the gospel. Not workers of my way or your way, but of His way. Paul then gives instructions for staying focused.

Rejoice! (v. 4)

Remember the Lord is present. (v. 5)

Don't worry and trust God with everything. (v. 6)

Adjust your thinking. Think positive! (v. 8)

Practice doing what's right.

and "the God of Peace shall be with you." (v. 9)

As I was going through a deep trial, Karen gave me a plaque that says "This too shall pass." Now, there are those who like to try to point out that saying is not in the Bible. Sometimes our trials are so deep we just need to know we are going to get through it. That sign did that for me. It encouraged me to keep going. Well, there is actually Scripture suggesting such. In Ps 37, which I do enjoy reading when I think there is evil doers close, Scripture tells us not to fret over wickedness. But to:

"Trust in the LORD, and do good...

Delight thyself also in the LORD;

and He shall give thee the desires of thine heart.

Commit thy way unto the LORD;

trust also in him;

and he shall bring it to pass."

Things in this world might bring us anxiety, but the Lord says He can handle them. We are just to put our burdens on Him, and He's got this.

In The Problem of Pain, C. S. Lewis reminds us: "God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks in our conscience, but shouts in our pain: it is His megaphone to rouse a deaf world." This is so true. I found out I had cancer when the doctor was looking at a sonogram and hit his knees in prayer when he saw the large ovarian tumor. There was no more ignoring the fact that one day I was going to meet my maker. That day just came within months. So, I had to decide if this old world just came into existence after a boom or if I believed The Word of God. You know it is like Uncle Bullock use to say, "In the war there were no atheist in the fox holes!" Hello, time to get real. There are wake up calls that help us to make sure we are headed in the direction we need to go. I want to be like Jonathan Edwards who said, "I frequently hear persons in old age say how they would live, if they were to live their lives over again: Resolved, That I will live just so as I can think I shall wish I had done, supposing I live to old age." I call this living without regrets. Actually, some people do not get these reality checks therefore, those who get them are blessed. Be joyful.

Whether:

You have to move and are not so called happy here. Well, it could be God preserving your family or knowing it was best for you, for your spouse, for your child, etc. Trust Him who knows best.

Your better half just left you. Well, maybe it wasn't your better half. Maybe God is protecting you. If not, walk where it's right and allow God to work in your life and in that relationship. Trust Him.

You need marriage counseling. Well, great! Your way is obviously not working and you could have continued down this road for years. Now we can change. Trust God's direction.

Your adult child is really going down a rebellious path. Well, we don't change others, but we can work on ourselves. I have the son I needed to have for God to create in me the heart I needed to have. Remember 2 Cor 1:4, I wouldn't be able to hurt with the parents who come to me for counseling if I hadn't walked where I did with my own son. Walk with God.

You have a serious illness. Well, God knows. He has a plan. Trust Him.

Every time we are not going to be able to see His plan, but we have to be able to trust God with the plan. For Scripture plainly tells us in 1 Cor 4:2, no matter what our circumstances are Christ calls us to constant faithfulness. It's not going to look successful according to worldly standards but we have to remember that this is part of the instructions for God's plan (1 Peter 5:5-10).

My own prayer as I go through trials is always that the Lord will remove my rose colored glasses that I might see through His eyes and learn what I need to learn, so that I may grow to become more like Him.